Hello Again

Sorry to have been out of touch. No, enjoyandinspire.com emails haven’t gotten buried in your spam folder—it’s just been a while since I have written. Not since leaving Tepoztlán, México.

The household items and clothes we leave behind are loaded on Chano's truck.

The household items and clothes we leave behind are loaded on Chano’s truck.

 

IMG 2716
Bags are packed.

Back home now. We’ve been stateside for over four months. Back in the good old US of A. Back in our not-so-comfortable comfort-zone.

We had a lot to catch-up with upon our arrival. An arrival which was delayed by 24 hours because we were leaving Mexico illegally. (But that’s a story for another time.) Our house was being painted and we had to move everything back in. The days flew by in a blur. Lea jumped back into 4th grade for the last 10 days of school. I was immediately taking care of maintenance issues in the apartments. And Kimberly was filing paperwork with the school district. It was as if we parachuted onto the top of a moving bus (as Bond must have done that in one episode or another), and were trying to keep our balance in the wind—all whilst unpacking our luggage and reclaiming our home. (Truth is, there is still lots of things we haven’t unpacked or organized since being home.)

Those relaxed Mexican days seem so far behind us now! The school year is underway. Lea has transferred her new-found fútbol skills to the local youth soccer league. Kimberly is teaching in a new school. And everyone is busy! Busy, busy, busy. It’s the common affliction of our 21st century society.

Back in Tepoztlán, it’s general practice to stop and greet every person you meet. To talk about the weather, ask about the family, wish one another a fine day. Here, it’s a matter of saying “letscatchupsometime” to everyone we meet and hoping that we actually get the chance!

How do you manage life the busy-ness of life in early 21st century US of A? How do find time to you take care of yourself, of your family, of your community in this society where we are so busy working and “getting things done”? What have you figured out to better match your priorities with how you spend your time? And what obstacles do you face in trying to do so? I’d like to know! :-)  Share your thoughts. Please click on the title of the post above, to go to its page and post your comment.

What to Bring Home?

So we’re heading home soon, after spending the last 8 months here in México and the last 9 months away from home. It has been an amazing experience. Really. My family and I have been blessed by the opportunity to travel, to live abroad, to spend time in other cultures. We have learned so much. A question I have for myself and for my wife and daughter is, “what do we want to bring back home with us?”

Appreciation! Gratitude! Thanks! Blessings!IMG 7142

IMG 7221IMG 9206IMG 8944IMG 8837

IMG 8597IMG 8164IMG 7272

Gratefulness for…

•our connection with each other.

We have spent so much time together, been through a lot together. We’ve schlepped our backpacks through cold days in Warsaw without knowing where we were going. Slept in a room in Paris with 10(!) strangers and barely enough room on the floor to step to the bathroom. Forced ourselves to eat when we weren’t hungry at a doting and loving relative’s apartment. Lived through a horrid infestation of head lice—one that didn’t seem to ever stop. And spent the last 8 months in a foreign culture, surrounded by a different language, customs and practices. We’ve come a long way together and I feel it has made us stronger as a family, having to depend on each other day-in and day-out—yes, even when we weren’t getting along or all of us felt grumpy about whatever. And there were a few days like that!

• for different customs.

Every day has been chock-full of lessons for us. So many that we can’t begin to even recount them all. And along the way, we caught ourselves being judgmental or critical of the way things are done in another place. Until we got to the point where it became background noise and we found ourselves trying on what we took to be the local perspective. Can’t tell you how many times the shoe repair guy told Kimberly that her shoes would be ready “mañana.” Eventually, we understood that mañana did not mean tomorrow—it meant some indefinite time in the future. In the end, the only way Kimberly actually got her shoes repaired was by coming back three times in the same day, the last time after he finally said, come back in an hour.

• for a shift in priorities.

It’s not about efficiency here. It’s not about “gettin it done.” It’s more about being easy-going and dealing with the vagaries of the system and people. Both doing what they can do and no more. There is less exhortation and more easy-come-easy-go. What you don’t get to today, you’ll get to tomorrow. Or maybe not, but does it really matter that much in the end? School is closed today because of a death of a teacher’s family member. The paint job wasn’t finished because the delivery guy from the paint store never showed up. The baker made less bread because there was no electricity for the dough mixer so what he did knead, he kneaded by hand. A young man you were expecting at co-counseling class couldn’t come because the errands he had to do in Mexico City took waaay more time than was expected. The plan you made with your shopkeeper friend to go to Yautepec isn’t going to happen today (or any day) because he had to leave earlier than he told you the day before. The swim class is cancelled for today because the pool is dirty. Is drinking water “falling” at the faucet in the street now, today? If not, try earlier. Or try later. Or better to walk to the other faucet where it may be falling. And no one is to blame for anything. “Así es,” is a common refrain, which means more-or-less “that’s the way it is” or “so it goes.”

• for those who live in new places with different customs and language.

This has not been easy. And that’s even after having come here for the past four years! And having spoken some Spanish. I can’t help but think about families who, for economic reasons or due to war or drought or who-knows-what, have had to pick up and move themselves across borders and oceans. Arrive in a new place where everything is different. The food, the drink, the small-talk (which you can’t understand anyhow–how often I am in the dark about the conversation!), even something as simple as the day-to-day customs of saying hello or goodbye. (For instance, I still don’t know when it’s appropriate to kiss someone on the cheeck or simply say goodbye with a wave and an “adiós.”)  Imagine the experiences of families forced to relocate permanently in a new location! My gosh, next to them, this has been a cake-walk.

• for the hospitality, warmth and welcome shown to us.

In this town, we are greeted non-stop as we walk up and down the cobblestone streets. And in some cases, it’s a stop-and-chat greeting. So that no matter how late you are running, you stop to exchange a few words (the usual: how are you? how about this weather? what’s new). Folks are happy to see us, excited to learn where we are from and what we think about the village. And we tell them! Yes, this is a magical village and the people, the scenery, the weather, the customs are wonderful and precious.

What is something you have “brought home” from your travels? What lessons did you learn? Could you bring those lessons home? What was/is hard about carrying it with you into your life at home?

Although it may be easier to “bring things home” when one travels, there are many ways to find things worth bringing home. What have you brought home? What would you like to bring home?  Chime in below, if you are so moved.

To Get To “Can” Start With “Try”

Swim

When I was in middle school, I was invited to join a swim team at the pool where I had been taking swim lessons. I think I considered the possibility for about half-a-second, and promptly decided “I’m not interested.”

Looking back, it’s clear that I was interested. But in addition to being interested, eager, curious, excited at the possibility, intrigued Continue reading

A Tribute to Mothers–especially MY mom!

In May 2012, I celebrated Mother’s Day by sharing some words about my mom in front of a live audience at the Barrymore Theatre in Madison.

It was a thrill and an honor.

It’s called “Listen to Your Mother” and it was the third annual. The show was all about motherhood. And it was all women—except for me. Continue reading

I miss you, Yvonne

I’ve been asked why I work to end violence against women. I don’t think there is only one reason. But my sister, Yvonne, and the life she lived and the life she didn’t live must be part of the “why.” Last week marked 30 years since I last had the chance to hear her voice.

I miss you, Yvonne.yvonnebike

These things don’t happen in real life.

That’s what I was thinking. This is not happening. I was maybe 13 years old. We were on our way back from a day boating with my sister and her husband. My sister, who I trusted so and who I thought of as capable. Independent. Together. Continue reading

Ever do something without knowing why? (a letter to Lea)

Dear Lea (my nine-year-old daughter),

We are now more than half-way through our eight-month stay here in Tepoztlán. It has been a grand trip. Full of adventure. And challenges too.

IMG_4808

With our ever-loving Jaaki.

I want you to know you’re not the only one who gets homesick, who gets tired of trying to understand this culture—not to mention this language. Who longs for the familiar sites and comforts of home. Our familiar foods, beds, and our always-happy-to-see us Westie Terrier, Jaaki.

Lea, have you ever done something without knowing exactly why? That is sort of how this trip to México came to be. Continue reading